well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize