Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
