Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
