the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
