She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
