he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
