so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize