Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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