Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis

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(801): View more from Utah

so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"

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(519): View more from Ontario

We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents

(1-519): View more from Ontario

I'm down.

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(916): View more from California

Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

(760): View more from California

You are my hero

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(954): View more from Florida

You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(217): View more from Illinois

4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket

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(256): View more from Alabama

The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.

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