cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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