cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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