I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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