He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
