I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
