Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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