Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
