Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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