Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize