it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
