all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
