She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
