I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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