Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
