i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
