How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
