I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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