he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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