Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize