Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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