from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
