I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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