so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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