All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The air was thick with penises
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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