sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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