Yo dont text me then not text me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
