he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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