well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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