They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
