Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
