FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
