I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
