I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
