question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
only if we run a train.
done.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
