Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
