APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
