Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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