I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I did not marry a roomba.
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