A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
