i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have aggressive nipples.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
