I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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