Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
