I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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