I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
