i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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