physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
