I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
