I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize