I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we're so committed to being not committed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
