I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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