I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
