My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
