Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
