when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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