did you get engaged???
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
