first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
