My girlfriend figured out who you are.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
