Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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