I think I died a long time ago.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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