Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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