I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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