How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
