careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
