Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
