It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize