Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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