After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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