Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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