How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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