if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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