this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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