It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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