onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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