i permit you to call me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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