Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize