um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
