...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
