Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
