I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
