pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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