I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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