remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
