butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
