so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
did i just pee glitter
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
