Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We just shotgunned beers for America
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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