I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
