I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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