I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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