I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
